Not so Koi.

I've been jet setting again, so I haven't been here to bore those with my words. However, fear not, i'm back... Let me warn the four of you who read this, this one will be pretty blunt in asking questions and making comments that may or may not offend some of you. You've been warned. While I was in Wyoming, on vacation, I had plenty of time to think, which is never a good thing with a disgusting mind like mine. It wanders too much. I found myself pondering whether or not I would ever be desired again by my fiance, and, if I can find the balls, my soon-to-be husband. Not that we have any "issues," but I kept thinking, he's told me that he views me so differently than before. Once he noticed my pout starting to come on, he explained, "So much more..." I'm so much more to him, now. Well, that's a good thing, right? I don't know. I think I was totally fine with being the vixen who spent a couple hundred dollars on "costumes" to entertain him with. I liked being the girl who dressed up as the naughty ref, complete with whistle. I don't know if I WANT to be more than that...
     I guess I've seen too many shows where the guy truly loves his wife but can't view her like "that" anymore so he strays to the stupid bit*h flirting with him at work...Sure, does it mean anything to him, no, it never does, but he does it, because he's a man and not genetically programmed to say NO to that...See, you see what my head does? I have ZERO reason to worry about my future because as good guys go, I have one. I have one of the best. I know this. I don't know why he wants me, but I'm fortunate he does. That doesn't mean I don't freak myself. Luckily, though, I was reading that our minds, when pregnant, often conjure up these odd ideas. I blame it on that.
    I've told Kip he's not allowed in the room when I'm giving birth because I don't want him to see me "like that." He laughs at me and says, "i'm going to be in there." I really don't want him in there, at all. Are you kidding me, this is worse than bumping into someone at the gym when you've just ran four miles and have no makeup on. YOu're squeezing something out of your lady parts that used to draw him in...You're sweaty, bloated, bloody, there is NOTHING beautiful about it. I told him he's welcome to come in once the kid comes out, gets cleaned up, I get cleaned up, add some concealer and lip gloss...He's not having that. He did compromise, he'll stand at my head. Yah, no sh*t you'll stand at my head. You'll stand at my head, looking the other way, that's what you'll do.
   I also realized I definitely don't want to do this alone. I had a hard time in my early, early pregnancy with being a moody cow, wondering if it would be easier alone, in my own place, doing things as I want, not having to apologize for breaking down during a commercial or burping in the middle of a sentence....It took me about two weeks without Kip to realize that I don't want to do this alone. Any of it. Not only is he really my best friend, but he knows just the ratio of Chlorine Remover to Water in the Koi pond. I nearly killed his fish while he was gone...Pond sprung a leak, I didn't know what to do...
    Anyway, I love him, and that's good to remember when I think, "will he ever look at me like he used to? Does it just turn into boring mom and dad stuff? Is there any romance after a baby? Will he want to sleep with me after? Will my amazingly plump and wonderful new breasts deflate like my ego?" He keeps saying to me, "Mindy, we're going to be just fine, don't you worry. I'm on your team. I'm the team captain."